I Let Him Go (James Bulger) by Denise Fergus Book Review

When we think about the unimaginable pain of losing a child, we often speak of strength, perseverance, and determination. But what about forgiveness? Can a parent find it in their heart to forgive the person responsible for their child’s death? This is the question that Denise Fergus tries to answer in her memoir, I Let Him Go. The book chronicles the life of her son, James Bulger, who was abducted and brutally murdered in 1993 at the age of 2. As a mother who has experienced every parent’s worst nightmare, Denise tells her story with raw honesty and bravery. In this book review, let’s take a closer look at this gripping memoir and see how Denise’s journey can inspire us to find healing and hope in the face of tragedy.

Click me to go to my Review

Synopsis

‘I was crying so much I couldn’t breathe. The thought of leaving the shopping centre without him was crushing. I knew that walking away from the place where he had gone missing, without any idea where he now was, meant that things were really bad. James had been right by my side and then he was gone forever.’

On 12th February 1993, Denise Fergus’ life changed forever. As she was running errands at New Strand Shopping Centre, she let go of her two-year-old son’s hand for a few seconds to take out her purse.

Denise never saw her son again.

For the first time since that moment 25 years ago, Denise tells her extraordinary story in this heart-wrenching book, an unflinching account of that terrible day. What if she had never taken James shopping? What if she had turned right coming out of the butcher’s, instead of left? Denise’s initial hope after seeing her son on CCTV with other children quickly turned to devastation when, two days later, James’ body was found.

His death reverberated around the world and his killers became the youngest ever convicted murderers in UK legal history. Four minutes is all it took for them to lead James away from his mother to his death. Denise took up a tortuous legal battle for James, and it was her astonishing strength and love for her son that ultimately helped to change the way the law treats victims of crime.

This is a mother’s tale, of finding a way through the despair to remember the happiness and wonderful memories that James brought his family. Above all, Denise doesn’t want her son to be remembered as a murdered child, and with this beautifully written book, she does just that.

About The Author

Denise Fergus is the mother of James Bulger, who was murdered in 1993 – in a series of events that shocked the world. Denise lives with her three sons and her second husband, Stuart. In 2010, Denise launched the James Bulger Memorial Trust, which supports young victims of crime, hatred and bullying. In January 2017, Denise was given the British Citizen Award for her tireless work helping other families through situations similar to her own.

My Review

We had picked James Bulger’s dad, Ralph Bulger’s book, My James for our book club this month and I wanted to see both sides of the story from his parents and their reactions and struggles since James’ terrible death. I wasn’t very old when this happened and although I recall seeing about it on the news I didn’t really know much about the circumstances or what happened. I knew his mother, Denise’s, face from the television and her campaigning but I didn’t fully understand the background.

In the opening chapter of the book, Denise takes us back to that fateful day in 1993 when she realised her son was missing. The speed with which he vanished was remarkable and proven by the CCTV cameras. Her vivid account of the panic, dread, and confusion she felt is both heart-breaking and gut-wrenching. Through her eyes, we feel the weight of every moment of uncertainty and every false hope that James would somehow be found safe. Denise’s writing is raw and emotional, and the clarity with which she recounts her story is truly remarkable.

I think the very worst part of the book for me was the hope the family felt when they realised that he had been taken by two young boys, they thought they were teenagers but surely two children wouldn’t hurt him and would have just panicked and hidden him somewhere. To later find out that they murdered him and the sheer brutality of it, despite not ever knowing all the sordid details was even more shocking given their previous hopes of him being taken by children.

As the book progresses, Denise shares with us her family life before and after James’s death. We see how she struggled with her grief, with her marriage falling apart, and with the constant media attention that never allowed her to grieve privately. Through her words, we see a mother who is determined to find peace in the midst of chaos.

It was delightful to learn of the young boy, his cheeky and funny personality and his adventures before his untimely death. In the papers, all we ever see is the aftermath and no details of his life before, this funny and bright boy would have made a brilliant older brother to his siblings. This really helped to bring life to an otherwise 2D character portrayed in the media, which made his tragic end even more heartbreaking.

Throughout the book, Denise’s story is not only about dealing with grief and overcoming anger, but it’s also about moving on. After James’s death, Denise became an advocate for child safety and worked with organizations that sought to protect children from harm. She writes that “James’s legacy is not just that of a little boy who was murdered, but also of a family that refused to be beaten by his death.” Her work has helped raise awareness around the world and has saved countless children’s lives and helped to change laws in our country.

Her book differed from that of Ralph’s book (James’ Dad) and it was interesting to see and compare both of their perspectives and the trauma that it has caused alongside the good work they have both contributed to with charity work, particularly Denise. I feel this has less detail of the crimes than the other and was more informative. Denise appears to have come to terms with James’ passing better than his father, Ralph and i wonder if this is because of the work she does with her charity or as a result of some form of therapy. Either way, you can be sure that James Bulger would be proud of his parents and the things they have achieved since his demise.

Denise Fergus’s memoir, I Let Him Go, is a powerful reminder of how resilient the human spirit can be. Although the book deals with the most unimaginable pain a parent can ever suffer, it’s ultimately a story of redemption, forgiveness, and hope. Through her writing, Denise takes us on a journey of a mother who refuses to be beaten by tragedy and instead, finds a way to turn her pain into something positive. Her story is an inspiration to anyone who has had to deal with loss, and it’s a reminder that, even in the darkest moments, there is always light.

Rated